Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
