the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
