I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
