Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
