hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
