Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize