I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
