i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
