Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
