My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
