I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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