some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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