Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I supernannyed him into submission
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
