I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
