I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
