my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
