sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
