you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
