too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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