this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We were destined to go to rehab together
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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