I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are my feet made of real feet?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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