we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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