She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
