Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
