I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
