Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I touched a dick in church today
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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