we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
