I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
