he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
