Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
