You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
