i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
