Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
