I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
