Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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