real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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