When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
