So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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