dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
