College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
