No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
