after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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