My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
