I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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