my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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