Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They took my balls.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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