let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
