we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
only you would photoshop your dick
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize