I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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