it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
