when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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