This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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