He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
