my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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