i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
