Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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