guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i now understand why vodka
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
