goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
