Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize