I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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