My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
