yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
