Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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