I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
no, he came in my armpit
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
