I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
