But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize