I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
