is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
