if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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