I'm gonna have a badass scar
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Someone shit on the floor
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
