Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
