I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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