Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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