My cat gives me a boner
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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