I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
