I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
